
Victim.
It's not a word many people like to associate with.
Nobody wants to be a victim and staying in that victim mentality ruins relationships, self-confidence, and the paths we choose to take in life.
But who really identifies as a victim?
You may be one and not even know it.
You may be a victim of physical, emotional, financial or sexual abuse, but could you be a victim if you never experienced one of those?
I sure was.
Growing up in a family with narcissistic traits- meaning you were praised for what you did, not allowed to be who you wanted to be, impacted me.
I was flung into full fledged adulthood almost unidentified, a people pleaser, a high achiever, and so incredibly worried about failing.
Failing at a career, failing in relationships, and failing as a parent.
I let all of those fears paralyze me, until I had my son.
I played the VICTIM role, until December 26, 2013.
And on that day, when I looked into to those sweet little eyes, and those sweet little hands latched onto mine, I knew my life was meant to be different.
I was no longer the victim:
V: Valued material things or worried about image
I: Irrational fears paralyzed me
C: Cared what people thought about me and my choices
T: Took anger and frustration out of my partner
I: Imitated others and people pleased
M: Made excuses.
The excuses had to stop.
I was never taught how to be a parent.
I wasn't shown unconditional love.
I was forced into a career I didn't choose and I invested a lot in student loans, so I better see it through.
We didn't fight fair growing up.
I can't place any time on myself because I now have to give ALL of my time our son; Who else is going to do it?
I have to clean my house and keep it spotless in case someone comes over.
I put all of this undue pressure and stress on myself.
No one told me that I wasn't going to be a good parent.
No one told me that my house wasn't clean or I wasn't a good wife.
No one told me I had to stay in a career that didn't serve me.
Those were all CHOICES.
Those were the "House Rules" I let inside my head.
2 years and 5 months later, I have a new set of house rules.
- I honor my skills, my talents, my passion, and my creativity and I will graciously GIVE it to the world.
- There will NEVER be a day when my son and my husband don't know and FEEL how much I love them, because I will show it, unconditionally in the best way I know how.
- I will make mistakes, but instead of criticizing, I will show myself some compassion and realize that mistakes are a part of human nature.
- I will not sweep my feelings under the rug and let them simmer. I will feel, deal, and move on.
- I will have fun, smile, laugh, and enjoy each moment, the little things don't freaking matter!