Why Constantly Playing the Victim got REALLY OLD, REALLY FAST.

Posted Aug 18th, 2016 in Blog

Why Constantly Playing the Victim got REALLY OLD, REALLY FAST.


It's not a word many people like to associate with.

Nobody wants to be a victim and staying in that victim mentality ruins relationships, self-confidence, and the paths we choose to take in life.

But who really identifies as a victim?

You may be one and not even know it.

You may be a victim of physical, emotional, financial or sexual abuse, but could you be a victim if you never experienced one of those?

I sure was.

Growing up in a family with narcissistic traits- meaning you were praised for what you did, not allowed to be who you wanted to be, impacted me.

I was flung into full fledged adulthood almost unidentified, a people pleaser, a high achiever, and so incredibly worried about failing.

Failing at a career, failing in relationships, and failing as a parent.

Failing at a career, failing in relationships, and failing as a parent.

I let all of those fears paralyze me, until I had my son.

I played the VICTIM role, until December 26, 2013.

And on that day, when I looked into to those sweet little eyes, and those sweet little hands latched onto mine, I knew my life was meant to be different.

I was no longer the victim:

V: Valued material things or worried about image

I: Irrational fears paralyzed me

C: Cared what people thought about me and my choices

T: Took anger and frustration out of my partner

I: Imitated others and people pleased

M: Made excuses.

The excuses had to stop.

I was never taught how to be a parent.

I wasn't shown unconditional love.

I was forced into a career I didn't choose and I invested a lot in student loans, so I better see it through.

We didn't fight fair growing up.

I can't place any time on myself because I now have to give ALL of my time our son; Who else is going to do it?

I have to clean my house and keep it spotless in case someone comes over.

I put all of this undue pressure and stress on myself.

No one told me that I wasn't going to be a good parent.

No one told me that my house wasn't clean or I wasn't a good wife.

No one told me I had to stay in a career that didn't serve me.

Those were all CHOICES.

Those were the "House Rules" I let inside my head.

2 years and 5 months later, I have a new set of house rules.

  1. I honor my skills, my talents, my passion, and my creativity and I will graciously GIVE it to the world.
  2. There will NEVER be a day when my son and my husband don't know and FEEL how much I love them, because I will show it, unconditionally in the best way I know how.
  3. I will make mistakes, but instead of criticizing, I will show myself some compassion and realize that mistakes are a part of human nature.
  4. I will not sweep my feelings under the rug and let them simmer. I will feel, deal, and move on.
  5. I will have fun, smile, laugh, and enjoy each moment, the little things don't freaking matter!

I'm curious...what would be your "House Rules?" I'd love to hear them in the comment section.

What would be your House Rules?

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