Body Shaming, What's the Delio?

Posted Sep 15th, 2016 in Overcoming Perfectionism and Failure

Body Shaming, What's the Delio?

I'm a recovering addict.

---An addiction to perfection-- that is.

And sometimes it leaves me feeling oversensitive.

Sometimes it leaves me feeling like I don't quite measure up in this pursuit of what everyone else has.

And sometimes, even though I've got my $h!t 99% together, I don't know what to do with THAT 1%.

I was in that 1% yesterday.

That sort of cha-cha, state of limbo where I'm confident one moment, but then completely insecure the next.

I hate that 1%, but perhaps that's never going to go away.

Perhaps that comes with change.

They say no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Actually Eleanor Roosevelt said that.

But what happens if you never gave someone consent?

Yesterday I was seeing a lot of people that I haven't seen in a long time through work, and since I've lost 20lbs in the last 3 months they said,

"Well Hello Skinny.. No really.. are you OK though? What crazy stuff have you been doing?"

"You look great, BUT... are you starving yourself?"

Pretty ironic when after I had my son and put out my fitness videos I heard,

"I'm sorry, but really... she should look more fit than that!"

"I would never take fitness advice from someone who looked like that."

"Why do you still have that belly?"

(It's called 6 weeks post C-section in which a watermelon sized child lived in my tummy)

But these comment even run more deep when I think back to my past.

I was coming home from my best friend's bridal shower in the car and someone in my family didn't like my choice of outfit.

At the shower, I had to bend over a lot to pick up the gifts for my friend to open and my shirt kept coming up.

A very little bit of my low back was showing when I bent over.

"(The bride will remain nameless) She looked so good at her shower. She was dressed so pretty. I wish you dressed like that. Why can't you look more put together. She would make me proud to have her in my family. Not you.

Or the classic,

"DO NOT put one more piece of food in your mouth-- you have gotten SO FAT."

Skinny, fat, post baby, pre-baby, I never gave anyone permission or consent to hurt my feelings.

They just did.

And over sensitivity or not, it's NEVER acceptable to comment on people's weight, clothing, style, or any physical or emotional trait.

It's simply none of your business.

Their journey is their story, and unless they want to tell you it, it's not up for discussion on the table.

In a world where we love to see celebrities without make up, or their cellulite on the beach,

We need to stop desperately trying to validate our insecurities and think that it's OK to make these comments, harmless or not.

And if we are moms, then we best be checking ourselves at the door because the Canadian Women's Foundation statistics state:

~ Over 50% of girls wish they were someone else

~ 9 out of 10 girls say they feel pressure from the media to be thin

~ 50% of girls in grade 6 are on a diet

~ 36% of girls in grade 6 say they are confident

~ Only 14% say they are confident by grade 10

Even as adults saying something as innocent as, "I completely suck at... (insert what you will)...push ups, Excel spreadsheets.. directions."

Comes at a cost.

A cost of our happiness and those around us.

It's that need to put ourselves down, and quickly, before someone else gets the chance.

And the only way to beat shame and and ignorance is with LOVE.

And that love for yourself is determined by YOU.

And that LOVE is what grounds you.

It's your roots when your family, or your friends, or your co-workers or anyone tries to shake you, or the negative voice inside your head wants to criticize.

I've never witnessed anyone be motivated by shame or ignorance, but I've seen a whole lot of change happen with LOVE.

A whole lot of change happen with LOVE.

So why don't we try more of that.

Here's my free article on self love and confidence:

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