It's time to wave the white flag.
I've taken on too much.
That was what I said to myself about a week ago.
My inner critic came up with every excuse as to why I couldn't continue to push for my goal of stepping on stage for a bikini competition.
4 months ago, I was feeling pretty damn good about myself, and I was motivated to tackle this bucket list item.
I wanted to one up the game in terms of my nutrition and fitness, and set an example to busy mom's like me that we really can do it whatever the hell we put our minds to.
We do it for our kids, so why not work HARD at something for ourselves.
I wanted to prove that as busy moms we can get up on stage, in a tiny bikini, stretch marks, post baby belly showing, with the best push up bikini bra known to man and ROCK IT.
Not because we need to feel sexy, but because we can rock our confident bodies at any stage of life.
I had the nutrition coach, the posing coach, the meal plans, the heels and suit bought, and even the social support to make this happen.
But when I looked in the mirror, I had lost the motivation.
When I looked at how I thought I sized up in the competition, my inner sabotaging voice said
"ARE YOU CRAZY. YOU CAN'T MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF AND DO THIS!"
Here I am, the queen of follow your passion, don't let your excuses win, wave the victory flag...... and I'm about to phone it in?
The people pleaser in me told myself, "You can't let others down, they are looking at you to follow through."
The procrastinator in me told myself, "You can push the competition to 2017. November is too soon. We want to have another baby anyway, let's try for that instead."
The perfectionist in me told myself, "You aren't at your goal weight. You aren't lean enough. You hair is too short. You've never spray tanned or gotten a full Brazillian wax...unknown territory... run."
Sabatoge. Sabatoge. Sabatoge.
And it all rooted itself into one thing..
I never realized that training for this competition was going bring out my comparison demon so much.
But it made me realize that most of my critical inner voices (People pleasing, procrastination, and perfectionism) were rooted in comparison.
How my body looked compared to other women.
How much money I make in my business compared to other health and fitness coaches.
How happy I am in my marriage.
How successful I'm am in potty training and bed time with my toddler.
All because of one competition, I started to feel like I wasn't measuring up in MULTIPLE areas of my life.
Has anyone else ever felt like that?
Or am I crazy?
I had to realize that.. LIFE...it's not black or white. All or nothing.
It's not have x and y and z will happen.
A certain weight, a certain type of marriage, a certain type of kid, there are no types, no judgement, no labels...
You just are who you are.
You get grounded in what you want and you fight everyday.
For YOUR choices.
For YOUR circumstance.
Even though we may have similar struggles, we can't compare the journey.
We might not even have the same critics inside our head, but struggle is real.
What are your struggles and how will you overcome them?
**If you'd like to know more about mine, you can order my book at the pre-sale price for the next month!! It's HERE!*