Why the 3 Roles We Play in Times of Conflict Sabotage Us

Posted Aug 11th, 2017 in Testimonials, Blog, Confidence, Owning Your Choices, Overcoming Perfectionism and Failure

Why the 3 Roles We Play in Times of Conflict Sabotage Us

They say everything happens in 3's.

And boy did I ever have the big 3 happen to me last week.

1) My business partner decided she wanted to leave a community and business we built out of nowhere. Blindsided.

2) I had a hateful online book review calling me entitled, self-centered, and inauthentic (Hello? Do you know ME?)

3) My father-in-law took a massive stroke leaving him in hospital for 1.5 weeks.

It was an emotional whirl wind of about two weeks and I struggled to make sense of it all.

But my mission and vision for this year is be the strongest- emotionally- than I've ever been.

Last year, I lost over 100lbs in total, and mastered my physical health.

But a broken mind and heart housed in a fit body leads to a life of emptiness.

I started to think about the three roles that I've played in my past.

Three roles that maybe we've all played,

When life gets the best of us.

1) The Persecutor

We judge, label, criticize ourselves or others and think everything is either our fault or nothing is our fault.

I grew up with intense pressure to be good at sports, excel in school, have the perfect body,

And I tend to shy away from the narcissistic approach and tend to think everything is my fault.

So when my business partner decided to unexpectedly walk away, I immediately thought it was all my fault.

That's the adapted child in me who had to take on the blame in order to survive.

But in reality, people make choices and operate from their own principles and integrity.

And you can't control that.

2) The Victim

When I read my book review, I CRIED. HARD.

It's easy to say forget it, forget them, but I'm human.

And it triggers the criticism of my past.

But that's just it.

In that moment, I chose to relive it.

Criticism is simply a perspective.

6 people read my book.

I had 5 gleaming reviews and one awful one.

You see, it's easy to play the victim and blame the person or event.

(Disclamer: Shitty people do shitty things like abuse, rape, murder, defame etc)

But it's our perspective that we can control.

It's like being stuck in a traffic jam.

You can either be ticked off and beep your horn,

Or you can choose to blare the music, listen to books on tape, or meditate.

Same traffic jam. Different perspective.

Only you can change your perspective and stop re-living it.

3) The Rescuer

When my Father in Law took a stroke, we knew we needed to be there.

But we didn't need to sit vigil at his bedside (After we knew he'd survive and rehab well).

The rescuer wants to be the hero or the people pleaser.

But in the process you lose your own needs.

You end up 30lbs overweight, or get deathly ill, or burnt out, and wonder how you got there.

You aren't any good to anyone if you're not well,

And you're not selfish for asking for help or putting your needs first.

Which one do you tend to be?

The Persecutor, The Victim, or the Rescuer?

The bad news is none of them serve you.

The good news is,

You can make a change, right now,

To honour your choices and let people go.

Stop reliving the past and focus on how your struggles made you stronger.

And put your needs first.

I believe in you.

I'm with you.

I'm OK.

And You're OK too.

If you need some help, pick up a copy of my Break the Mould Book HERE!

*I'd love to sign and send you a copy.*

*But also on www.indigo.ca* (not a signed copy)

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