To My Husband- I'm Sorry

Posted Sep 13th, 2017 in Blog, Confidence, Owning Your Choices, Overcoming Perfectionism and Failure

To My Husband- I'm Sorry

I'm a bit of a control freak.

About what kinds of food get puts on our table.

My goals in entrepreneurship.

And where things get put away in our home.

I want things done a certain way.

I relentless in my personal goals.

And I love harder than my heart can manage sometimes.

But please don't confuse my fire to create a better life for us,

Opportunities that you and I never had.

For being selfish.

Or controlling.

Or perhaps, some days bossy!

You see, when you first met me.

I wasn't this way.

I was comfortable being the victim.

I wanted to be loved. Provided for. Taken care of.

Or maybe I just didn't know how to be myself.

I didn't know what I wanted, or where I belonged.

Nothing felt safe or familiar.

But you loved me.

Through finding my confidence, and my stubbornness.

From being afraid to pick up the phone in fear of sounding stupid when I had to speak for myself,

To being determined and tirelessly focused,

Of going after exactly what I want for our health, our family, our finances, and our happiness.

I've learned that my agenda and my schedule sets us free.

It makes me a better mom, and wife--my two most important roles.

But make no mistake, I'm not perfect.

And my anxiety to be,

Some days get the best of me.

So I make mountains out of molehills.

Or my temper fires inside, especially when we don't hit deadlines or technology doesn't cooperate.

But the first step to any change is not running away.

Facing our quirks, and hot buttons, and emotions.

And neither of us ran as we figured things out.

And I love you for that.

So I'm sorry that the woman you fell in love with 12 years ago is not the same woman that I am today.

I'd rather be in the driver seat of our life and shout behind,

"You coming?"

I'd rather put food on the table and money in our bank account,

And celebrate both of our successes with an average bottle of wine in our comfy home.

Humility and humbleness will always be a part of me.

I'd rather love you until we are old and gray.

Create together.

Laugh together.

Grow together.

Play together.

Than move onto something shiny and new, like many people do when things get stale or sedentary or hard.

I'm sorry that the stress of life some days makes us crazy and we say things we don't mean.

But we always mend our hearts,

It feels like we correct it almost instantly now.

Perhaps that's because we have two beautiful little eyes on us at all times,

Who's smart, and inquisitive, and picks up on the most subtle vibes.

But I look at our son and see that he's the best and the worst of us.

And I wouldn't want it any other way.

I love you.

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