Does That "Girl Gang" Really Have Your Back?

Posted Apr 19th, 2019 in Testimonials, Blog, Confidence, Owning Your Choices, Overcoming Perfectionism and Failure

When I sit down to write my blogs, I do my research. 

I always want to empower and teach and give you something useful.

But today, I'm just going to speak what's on my mind and my heart.

I remember the weekly trash from everyone's room and the kitchen being piled high up to my door.

I was working 3 jobs in college, as a resident assistant, giving campus tours, and a night time nurses aid at the local hospital,

In addition to my morning clinical and day time classes.

I really wasn't IN our college apartment much.

Earlier that year, the three other nursing students that friended me asked if they could move in, to save on rent.

Typically RA's rooms alone, but if you have the space and you like the people, you could say yes.

Naively I did.

And what was once a good idea became a really really bad idea.

They didn't like that I was never around to hang out with them and they got resentful.

Every opportunity to take a low blow, they did.

Like piling as much trash as they could find outside my door so I couldn't open it, when it was my day to take out the garbage.

I had ZERO Confidence back then.

Growing up feeling never enough, thrown into STRICT nursing professors who couldn't wait to fail you,

I was sunk.

But, I survived that year, and it was the last time I ever had roommates in college.

I've never really had a "Girl Gang."

Honestly, I just haven't found a real one.

Mommy groups, besties... I've never quite found my place with women.

Maybe that's because I have a messed up relationship with my mom, 

But honestly, I just see a lot of women saying one thing to your face and then a whole lots of stuff behind your back.

So I'm careful about who I trust.

I'm 100% masculine energy and if we have an issue, I'll tell you about it. 

If you say something I don't like or vice versa, I want to talk about it.

I'm here to champion you and support you with no back end motive.

But not every woman is like that. So we have to be selective about who we let close.

Here's the 10 things I avoid when it comes to "Girl Gangs."

Lack of reciprocity 

I can't tell you how many guests I've had on my podcasts, who have their own, and don't extend the invitation back to me. Not cool. Aren't we here to support each other?

Lack of gratitude

I'm a connector. I love aligning others with people who can make their dreams happen. Best selling books, service providers, profit opportunities, joint ventures. Say thanks to the people who open doors for you just because.

Rules

Which are different than boundaries. I'm all about boundaries, but if we can't be friends because we don't have the same political views, gun law views, eating meat or no meat, breast feeding and cloth diapering. If we can't be real without judgement then no thanks. Sometimes we can just agree to disagree, no? I won't attack you as a person for your choices, but I see A LOT of that on social media.


Lack of integrity and jealousy

In this online space, people steal. Straight up steal your language of sales or marketing material, content, teaching. I've even had "friends" behind my back deter others from working with me because they want the business themselves. Don't be me. Be you. But when you steal, lie, or poach, I don't want you in my circle.


Takers

I've had to cut off a lot of friendships ( I know cut off is harsh, but let me explain.) because it's all about them. Their drama, their successes and never once asked a question about me. It's exhausting! Friendship is give and take.


Friends who secretly hope you fail

Yup, you know those people. When you're succeeding, dead zone, but when shit hits the fan for you, they come out of the woodwork. If you can't be there when I'm shining I don't want you there when I'm at rock bottom.


Complainers

As soon as someone says "you don't understand" I'm out. Actually I do. People who think they are the only ones who are single moms, work 3 jobs, have no family support, get denied something they want, have their business crumble, deal with health issues, trauma; if it's not me directly, someone else in the world is going through the same thing as you. I won't hear victim-y excuses. I've been there but I didn't stay there.


The Confused

We all have that one friend who is an "ask hole." So many questions because they are chronically confused all the while Google and You Tube are right at their fingertips. Confusion is a crutch and I can't figure everything out for you.


Talking behind other people's back.

OK, we've all done this. I-- in no way shape or form-- am perfect. I've probably done ALL of these things above in my life at one time or another, but when someone is consistently talking about everyone else negatively, it's hard to hear. And you best believe if they are talking about others, they are talking about you. Gossip is a form of avoidance of true emotions, and I need true and real.


Raising little assholes

I'm not a perfect mom. I'm sure Oliver will need some form of therapy or blame me for something going wrong in his life, but he's a good kid. If your kid is violent, mouthy, disrespectful, breaks things, a bully or whatever other bad habits he's picked up, we aren't right for a play date until that shit gets resolved. Trust me, if my kid turns asshole, I give full rights for other parents to call him on it and correct it with a teachable moment. But again, when it's a consistent behaviour, you have to work that stuff out.

I have flaws, I've make mistakes, I've hurt people, I'm sure I've acted out of integrity. My kid has been the instigator, I've seen green with envy. We often reflect on the parts we've resolved.

But it's what you do with it that counts. 

If you're down with continuous improvement and truly championing each other then let's hang, but if not, I'd rather be a loner.

How about you?

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