Resolution (n) a promise to yourself to do or not to do something.
A resolution makes you to decide what you want and don't want, but by mid February, the statistics show that these promises to ourselves have been long forgotten about.
I'll never forget the day my 16 year old self picked up the phone and heard,
"I can't take you to the prom. I spent all of my money on beer and won't be able to afford a bus ticket to come and see you..."
It was my first boyfriend, my first love, my first partner that I lost my virginity to, and we had been dating for 4 years. He was a year older than me and after he graduated from high school, his family decided they were going to move from Pennsylvania back to Missouri where he grew up. He went off to college and I carried on with my senior year in high school.
We never had an official break up, and in my mind, I was keeping the love alive long distance. On one or two college breaks he came to see me via Greyhound bus, and he promised he'd take me to the prom. I can remember asking.. over and over.. are you sure?
"Yes, Lisa, I love you. I promise I will take you to the prom."
I was asked by a few other boys, but I said,
No, my boyfriend is taking me. I'm sure of it. He promised.
Little did I know that while I was keeping the love alive, he was partying, joining a fraternity and starting a new life without ever telling me.
How could this be?
How could he not be taking me to prom?
He is my boyfriend?
We've spent 4 years together?
My whole high school years?
I said no to everyone else?
But..its me and him?
When that promise was broken, I was shattered. With two weeks before prom, I had to ask a boy to take ME. He said yes, but I don't think he wanted to go. I think it was a pity yes.
"I HATE YOU, I NEVER WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN."
I yelled into the phone. Choking back sobs. And that was it. We never spoke again. He blocked me online in the AOL chat (kicking it old school) and changed his number. That was our break up.
You see...I like the word commitment.
(n) the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.
(n) an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action.
Studies show that when you relate your goals to how it's going to affect not only you, but others, you're more likely to complete them.
As we start to plan for a new year, new decade, new whatever, I think we have it all wrong.
In society we desire to work from the outside in. Lose 30 lbs, get a raise, land that huge client, buy the dream home, pay off student loan debt. The "I'll be happy when" drives our resolutions.
I like to work from the inside out with commitments.
1. I want to solve problems.
That means that I have to commit to creating content, speaking, hosting my own events, and building online products and platforms for people and see how to execute their dream for them, ever before they see it for themselves. That forces me to stay current, to think outside the box, to be persistent, and resilient and to help people heal in the highest way so they can do the greatest good.........then the money will come.
2. I want my body to be a clean running engine.
So I can live a long time to provide for my husband and kids and protect their dreams, to travel the world with my husband, the true love of my life, and experience other cultures, to do charity work and give back, and to inspire others to transform. I have so much work to be done, so I have to commit to moving well, eating well, sleeping well, recovering well.
Promises can be broken, but commitments require deep understanding, communication, and work.
I'm not mad at my ex. We were just kids. But every year that I get older, I make less and less promises and resolutions and more and more commitments. I take longer to think about what I really want and how my choices will impact others.
Ironically when I met my husband just a few years later, I was living in Pennsylvania and he was living in Ontario, Canada. Our first 9 months together and engagement was over a long distance relationship. We talked very early on in our relationship about commitments to each other and always having open communication, and to be together in the beginning, was work. Immigration, paperwork, lawyers, moving across the country. We look back at the time and say,
"If we can make it through that together, we can make it through anything."
So what are you committing to for the next 5, 10, 15 years?
Who will your choices affect?
Who will you have to communicate with about it?
Who will have to help you execute that dream?
Play a longer game. Think it through. You have time.
Can I fill in the gaps? Do you need permission to pivot? It's never too late to go after what you want.
Email me and let's book a time to talk about how I can create willing products, programs, and online platforms for you and to help you heal and be heard.