I'm a jump first, ask questions later kind of gal. I don't actually LIKE running, but it's a sport where you can't escape yourself. In 36 years on this planet, you'd think I know who I am. But strip away the titles, the roles, the degrees, the certifications, who are we, really? That's the question I've been trying to answer.
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"Get in the shower NOW!" I sternly said through snot and sneezing, As I learned that my son and his friends got into the Ant Killer Spray my husband left on the deck. Allergies blazing like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, I had enough of this day. CLUNK. "Son of a..." The Muskoka chair my husband was building came apart as he tried to lift it up. I ran over to him, blood running down his head. This is a hairy, scary, antsy, very bad day.
I'm a business and wellness coach. I KNOW BETTER. I've been 130 lbs, 250 lbs, a size 2, a size 14, but none of that matters.
I've been an emotional eater for pretty much as long as I can remember. Acting out of impulse and fear. No one wants to raise their hand and own up to that fact that they can't handle their emotions. Me especially. Ask for help? Admit that I don't have it all together! No way! But why the hell shouldn't we?
You see, hurt people, hurt people. But you can't take it personal. Haters used to destroy me. Growing up as a people pleaser, I was WRECKED if someone didn't like me. In fact, I wanted people to like me so much that I forgot who I was. I forgot what I wanted. I forgot about my own needs and my health. Forget path of purpose, I didn't think that far. And it costs me a lot of time, happiness, and memories.
The life of your business, through it's ebbs and flows, through teammates, product launches, and ideas, You can count on one thing. You are in control of what you offer your ideal clients.
Sometimes lying still and being OK with your thoughts, is empowerment. Empowerment is releasing the coulda, shoulda, wouldas, and accepting what's out of your control. Empowerment is getting out of bed when the depression and anxiety tries to paralyze you. Empowerment is eating without guilt or emotion. Empowerment is saying YES to yourself, and NO to the demands of others. Empowerment is asking for help when you need it. Empowerment is looking in the mirror and saying,"I will do my best today.
A broken mind and heart housed in a fit body leads to a life of emptiness. I started to think about the three roles that I've played in my past. Three roles that maybe we've all played, when life gets the best of us.
FEELINGS. They are a bitch sometimes. They don't go away, No matter how hard you try to push them away, drink them away, busy yourself and work them away- they just don't. And for 20 years, I've been trying to do all of that. In my moment, the lowest of the low, when I thought that one action could take the pain away, And my family, friends, clients could have a better mom, wife, trainer, friend, one they deserved, I realized something.
I royally messed up my body. I royally tanked my metabolism. Yes, I lost about 60lbs, but became scale obsessed, and if I strayed from my restrictive meal plan, I gained weight. A SHIT TON of weight. This, my friends, is what led me down the path of creating my OWN macro plan. One with balance, AND CARBS, and ALCOHOL, and enjoyment, and living life. One that healed my body, not hurt my body.